Why Healing Requires Pain and How to Finally Surrender to the Process

"Nobody wants to feel uncomfortable. Nobody wants to self-reflect. Nobody wants to deal with that stuff."

When Natalie Damiano, certified coach and host of the Part of the Solution podcast, said this during our conversation, it hit like a ton of bricks. We all want transformation. We all want to feel better, be lighter, show up differently. But nobody wants to do the actual work of getting there.

Natalie has 15 years of sobriety. She's rebuilt her life from the inside out, healing deep core wounds through nervous system work, breathwork, strength training, and what she calls "real life shit." Now she teaches women how to regulate emotions, rewire old patterns, and finally feel at home in their own skin.

But the path to that peace? It requires going through pain. And that's exactly what most people are avoiding.

In my conversation with Natalie on the Modern Wellness Podcast, we went deep into what healing actually requires, why breathwork became her non-negotiable tool, and how she helps women surrender to transformation even when every fiber wants to bail out.

The Problem: We Want Transformation Without the Pain

"It's hard to really look at the root cause of what's holding you back, or this way you feel about yourself, or maybe the way you look, the way that others think about you," Natalie explained. "And I think a lot of it is pain. It's probably something from childhood, childhood pain, something you saw continuously as a child of how things were done or this is just the way it is."

Whether you grew up in a normal home with two parents or in chaos, the desire to be better is the same. The process is the same. You have to find the root cause of your stuff.

"It sounds good and it looks cute in the beginning. And then you dig around a little bit and it gets hard. And that's when people want to bail out because it's uncomfortable. And who wants to feel uncomfortable? I don't. But I also know that on the other side will be this gorgeous, amazing outcome."

Having been through the process, Natalie knows the end result. So she's more willing to do the hard work. "I would say that the biggest issue when working with somebody is really having them be vulnerable and almost surrender to the process. Like you're the expert, you tell me what to do and I'm just going to shut up and do it. Our egos don't want us to do that. We want to do the path of least resistance. It's wired in the brain."

The brain likes comfort. It's cozy. Asking someone to leave that comfort to dig into pain goes against our basic wiring.

How Natalie Found Her Way: The Power of Breathwork

When Natalie first got sober 15 years ago, she learned the importance of surrender, meditation, and quiet time. There was so much chatter in her mind. So much insecurity. She was scared all the time. There was constant change neurologically, physically, mentally, even geographically.

"I knew that when I came to a place of meditation and quiet and this practice, I knew that I was going to feel better afterwards. That was the first thing that I kind of trusted."

In treatment, they would do acupuncture, putting five needles in her ear, and she would lay down for quiet time. "I was like, I am so ready to shut the fuck up." That practice of meditation stayed with her. She still meditates every morning. It's a non-negotiable.

Then she discovered deeper levels of breathwork. She had done a few sessions before, but when she experienced a three-part deeper breath that flushes so much oxygen into your system that you physically feel different, everything changed.

"That's when I was like, oh, this is the next level of breathwork. And I just really enjoyed it."

Now breathwork is woven into her daily life. Even when she's stressed with her kids (her daughter blew up 900 balloons in the house for no reason yesterday), when she's irritated, when she needs to check out, she knows what to do.

"Anytime I need to check out, I just know my central nervous system is just take a breath or two of literally just breathing in oxygen through the nose and out through the mouth. It sends messengers into the brain of I'm going to be okay. You're going to be fine."

She emphasized that everybody should learn about breathwork and try it. "It doesn't have to be your forever and your non-negotiable. But it's definitely one for me."

The ripple effect of breath is huge. "It's not like everybody's on a lily pad in a Zen state with this perfect, aesthetically pleasing background. You could literally be doing it between reps or in the bathroom. It's just become such a great tool for me that is so powerful."

What Breath Actually Does

"The noise in your head, the work noise, the shoulds, what you should be doing. We kind of let our mind talk shit to us. And this is a way that I have found to quiet that noise, to just let it be and just calm and stay in the moment."

It's so easy for future trip, to get caught up in what we should post on social media, how we want to be as a mom, as a wife, or whatever. Breath brings us back in.

"I highly recommend it. It's a big tool for everybody. And we do it already and it's free."

Natalie has so many tools in her toolbox for healing. All of her life experiences have brought her to this place where she can guide other women. "I think that I was meant to be a teacher. I was meant to help heal. I was meant to help guide. It's in my human design. And I think all of my life experiences has brought me to this place. And it's time to now give away what I have."

Her life is pretty great almost every day now. At night, she and her daughter lay down in bed and do "what's your rose, what's your thorn." They recently added "what's your bud, what are you excited about?"

"Nine times out of ten, I don't have a thorn. And at first I started saying, oh, I'm sorry, I don't have one. And then I was like, no, I just don't. Days are pretty damn good. And even when things are hard, I am optimistic and I try to look for the good."

It's radical self-acceptance. Looking at yourself and asking: what is my part or what can I get from this?

Natalie's Framework for Getting Women to Surrender

1. Set the North Star

"I talk a lot about how these women want to be perceived. One of my favorite questions is, what would somebody say about you at your funeral or how would you like to be introduced into a room full of people who didn't know you?"

That sets them up for their North Star. Their vision of who they want to be. "And then by giving you that visual and that goal, then we can work through this stuff. And I keep reminding them of that. And I also remind them of their power."

2. Learn Their Energy

Natalie loves to learn her clients' human design so she can figure out how to talk to them. "Obviously if they're a generator like me, I'm tactical Navy SEAL type sets. And then other people, you just have to learn how to speak with them."

She thinks it's always about learning people's energy and learning when to push and when not to push. "Reminding them of who the fuck they are and why are you here."

3. Meet Them Where They're At

The women who come to Natalie for help have already hit a rock bottom. "They've already tried some stuff and it just really didn't work out. And now they're to a point where they're uncomfortable and they're going to shut up and kind of do what they're told and really just trust that it's going to work out."

That's the hardest part: trusting the process and being willing to go there.

Why Rock Bottoms Are Actually Gifts

Natalie is such a fan of rock bottoms. Such a fan of starting over. "I just think it's a whole new beginning. You can just rewrite the story."

She shared about a friend's daughter who's leaving for college after struggling in high school. "I'm like, girl, just wait. You can go and be anybody you want to be. You could be this completely different person. And I'm so excited for her. It's going to be gorgeous at the end. It is so worth all of the messy action it takes to get there."

Change is necessary. Moving, starting over, rewriting your story is powerful. "It's like rebranding the website. It's like a fresh start. And I think people need that. I think we all get stagnant doing the same thing over and over again. I think it's good to shake things up. It infuses more energy into your daily life. It's like a form of self-care. It's growth and change and getting better."

But it also requires giving yourself permission to change and evolve. "Who are you going to let go of and who you going to be to get to where you want to be. What friendship are you going to have to cut off or what wall are you going to have to put up in order to get to where you want?"

That makes a lot of non-entrepreneurial people very uncomfortable. "Entrepreneurs are like, yes, put up that boundary, get rid of that person. Do what you got to do."

The Evolution: Softening While Still Being a Badass

Natalie shared how her relationship with hustle has evolved. For a long time, she was anti the soft girl era, anti feminine energy. "I thought originally that wasn't strong, that wasn't sexy. It was just hustle mode all the time. And then I realized you can still be a doer, but you just have to come back to yourself at the end of the day."

The older we get, the more we want to be a badass and our own boss and make great money. But we also want that softer edge. We want to do small things that really matter.

"I think biologically we just start shifting. And so the mindset starts to shift. It's not balance because fuck that word. It is just trying to find that medium where two different things can be the truth at the same time."

You can be two different people and they can be vastly different. "I am way different than I show up online or at the studio than I am with my kids. And I think that's okay to be that way. It's just softening over time."

Her favorite slogan is fuck it. "You just give a fuck less the older you get. And it's so beautiful. Sometimes the dishes don't get done. Sometimes the pillows aren't fluffed perfectly. Before, when my life was out of control, I controlled those things 100%. And now they're not always fluffed. It's not always perfect. And I'm fine with it."

The older she gets, the more she has this desire to be present for her kids more. "When I was pregnant, I never connected with my baby. I just didn't like being pregnant. Then I had her and everything shifted. Now as they're getting older, I'm stepping into this mentor position. I have so much to teach them about how to be a good person. The desire to teach and be there more for them is getting stronger the older I get. I really want to say that as a mom, I want to be a mom and a really good one more than ever."

What Natalie Wouldn't Change

Looking back on her healing journey, Natalie wouldn't change one thing. "Like there isn't one thing in my healing journey or my story, I just wouldn't change anything. I'm proud and happy of everything. And it wasn't always nice or pretty, and I was mean and guarded and all of the things. But it was just how I had to be."

When you're in pain, your walls go up. You're really guarded.

"I've had my heart broken, cried, can't get out of bed type of crying. But I knew at the end of the day I was meant to be with somebody great, that I was meant to collaboratively be in it. So I always knew, trusting your gut, trusting that knowingness."

It takes what it takes for people to get there. "Surrender, pain, that's the hard stuff. And that's what I specialize in."

Your Main Character Move

Natalie's signature slogan is fuck it. So her main character's move is about looking at what you're waiting for.

"What's going to happen if you don't do it? Would you regret it? How would you want people to introduce you into a room full of people who didn't know you? What would you want to be known for? What would you want to be the expert in?"

That's your North Star. Figure out what the end goal is and then just take little daily habits and get your ass there.

"Nothing changes if nothing changes. When you're ready to make the choice, whether it's sobriety or starting a business or a weight loss journey, when you're ready, you will do it. And tomorrow is never promised. So get your ass up."

The Permission Slip You've Been Waiting For

Healing isn't pretty. It's uncomfortable. It requires digging into pain and sitting with emotions you've been avoiding for years. It might mean cutting off friendships, putting up boundaries, moving, starting over, completely rewriting your story.

But on the other side of that discomfort is a life where nine times out of ten, you don't have a thorn. Where days are pretty damn good. Where you're optimistic even when things are hard. Where you've built radical self-acceptance and can ask: what's my part?

You don't have to do it perfectly. You can do breathwork between reps or in the bathroom. You can be two different people who are both the truth. You can be a badass and soft.

The brain likes comfort, but growth requires pain. And that pain? It's worth it. Every single time.

Ready to hear the full conversation? Listen to MW Podcast Episode 17: Healing Isn't Always Pretty But It's Always Worth It with Natalie Damiano. We go deep into breathwork tools, surrendering to pain, and why your rock bottom might be your biggest gift.

Start with one breath. One moment of uncomfortable truth. One step toward your North Star.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. And you're ready. So get your ass up.